I accidentally burped into my bong.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
