clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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