If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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