OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Two words: blizzard sex
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
