He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
