How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
