sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
