DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i now understand why vodka
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
