Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
