Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There's always time for handjobs
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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