When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize