Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
