look no pants
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
