Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
