Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
