my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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