someone owes me an orgasm
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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