Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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