Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
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just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
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thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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