She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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