you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he thought i was a dude.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
