im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
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I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
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My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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