Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
