Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
