my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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