she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
