Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just forgot I was standing up.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
