She said her name was "party"
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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