i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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