You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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