Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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