the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
