he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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