you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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