Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
