I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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