A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
