Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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