We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just had sex on a roof
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
