I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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