the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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