she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
