I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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