theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
