I puked a lego.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
