Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
