Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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