Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize