I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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