someone threw a dead crab at me
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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