I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
