turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
