last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
