We're facebook friends in real life
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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