Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im holly from the hills drunk
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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