Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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