it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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