Soap is not a condiment
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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