I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
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how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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