My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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