Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
