come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
