I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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