He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Your penis caused this!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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