New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
