Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I enjoy the company of your penis
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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