1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
