It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
