But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
