Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
